Top Rookie

Top Rookie, 11.22.13

There were at least some distractions during the break. I walked into recognition meeting bright and early Friday morning and waited nervously to see how well I had done. I knew I had qualified for top rookie; that brought a distinct feeling of pride and accomplishment to my weary soul. God was blessing my hard efforts here just as much as at Panera Bread.

But I certainly wasn’t prepared when they called my name for Top Rookie of the month.

Me? But I’m brand new. Others have been on the floor for half a year. I was stunned and my feet were slow to respond to my brain. But I picked my way to the front and gave a slow speading smile to my supervisor and trainers. Without their kindness and gentle encouragement, this would not have been possible.

I was given fifty dollars. And a plaque. And my very own parking spot at the front of the lot for a whole month.

It was with a degree of shock that I walked back to my desk and put back on my headset. My teammates were estatic, and amused at my quietness. It didn’t make sense to me to win the top prize my very first time running for it.

Apparently my surprise was mistaken for something else, because Brad pulled me into his office to laude me with the statistics that he resulted in my accomplishment. There were twenty one rookies on the floor varying in the six months range of experience, and I had beat all of them. Brad couldn’t overemphasize his satisfaction and the excitement of the company for my success and future career. I guess it was then that it finally all sank in, and I began to giggle. Who would have thought? What would Levi say, if he saw me now?

As I walked back to my desk, I felt a small happiness, a bittersweet memory, surface in my heart. A letter Levi had written to me at Panera Bread in Nichols Hills, in our youngest days together, when he watched me work in the bakery. He called me his hard worked. He said “You could work circles around my guys, baby girl. I would love to have you on my team.” His words had meant so much, even now, I remember them so quickly. I wanted to work at Walmart with him, or him at Panera with me, to be a team. He had turned down Panera and continually thwarted my attempts to apply for Walmart. One of the sharpest pangs regarding Anna is that she works there with him. No stress for time to see each other. All day at school, all night at work, all day at church.

I am glad for the time when he loved me. I hope that he will look back and see that I am trying to live up to the girl he loved. I really am. I wish that I could have worked beside him as a team. That was one of my biggest dreams. I don’t understand why God let Anna have that dream instead; at times it seems so cruel; but who am I, such a lonely foolish girl, to question God’s soverignty?

All I know is I was happy, and so sad all at once.

The greif was always old. And always new.