Answered Prayer

Answered Prayer, 10/21/13

Dear Levi,

Do you remember when God answered our prayer? I was remembering the black guy who was working under you at Walmart our first semester together, whose family was suing. Remember all the stress you were under? Remember all the stress you were under? Remember how much trouble he caused for you? I rememeber the long talks and how hard you sought to find a resolution. You would go run, or go to your “special place” by the Dell Factory riverfront to pray. I prayed too. I didn’t know how to help. I was so worried and frustrated for you… but so incredibly proud of the way you handled the situation, so inspired by the way you reached out for divine assistance, for God’s help. And I rememebr God answering… God helped.

I need His help. I need his answer. The burden of losing you, of everything that went wrong, is crushing me. It’s a load I can’t bear. My heart has grown so fragile and mind so tired from the stress. I can’t anymore.

Part of me wants to find a way to fix it. If I could only figure out what went wrong, I could find a way to fix it. But I’m giving up now, because I’m not wise enough to discen the post, clever enough to plot the future. What efforts I have are completely futile. And I just know that God has to do it now.

I am still praying. After church on Sunday, I drove to the park on South Grand Boulevarde to pray. Technically, I could just pray in the car on the long drive home… I could just pray in my room… but you taught me by your quiet example that sometimes I just need to go somewhere special to pray. I cried out to God… and nothing changed… but I know he heard me. I besought of him a sign, like Gideon did. Sometimes, it’s like I’m living in a fairytale world. Reality is just too cold, too unimaginable. Everyone has moved on but, I can’t get over you… can’t give up on you. I believed you when you twirled me under the winter twilight stars and said, “I love you, little Noelle.”

I prayed to God for a sign. Is there yet hope? Let frost ice my car windows for 3 eays if there is none. If it is your will to intertwine my life with Levi’s again… let there be none.

And this morning, I ran out to my car for work, and the windows were clear. God answered. There is hope, and I will keep praying.

Your star,

Rigel.