Amos 9

Dear Levi,

You walked out of church tonight. Was it because Pastor Gaddis was preachign from Amos? Was it because he was preaching on God rebuilding the broken down houses and vineyards? And why did you walk out the front of the church? Was it so I would actually notice now that I don’t look for you anymore? And why did you leave and not come back? Was it to reaffirm to me that you are truly never coming back for you star, your little Noelle, no matter what God could do if you would just let Him? And did you walk out on church and her just like you walked out on me and what God may have been calling us to do? And why, oh why, do I not understand you at all? I miss, oh how I miss, my sweet Levi, my precious little prince. You have become such a confusing, unfathomable mystery to me… but saddenly so…

What am I to do? I sat there in church stunned cold, my whole body shivering in shock at seeing you just walk out of church. Much the way that night you left me froze me blood in shock. I would never have in my wild dreams believed you to do either; and yet, there I have been wrong, wrong, wrong like a bad train wreck of stupid, naïve errors.

It made me cry, you know. To remember you so happy once, so in love with God, and with me, and with life. And see that you seem so hapy ever since the fallout, but only remember your bitter, anguished tears; your struggle with God, with me… with yourself..

I know I have no control over your decision to walk away, and the decisions you make now. But I know I contributed to why you walked away, and started down whatever road you’re on. It haunts me, that guilt. And the fact I will never be given the chance to rectify it… I’ll never hear you say, “I forgive you.” Or “I love you.” Or feel your hug, a Levi hug.

You missed a beautiful sermon. But the words of God are still there in your Bible.

“In that day I will raise the tabernacle of David that is fallen.. I will raise his ruins, and I will build it as in the days of old… Behold, the day comes, saith the Lord… they shall build the waste cities, and inhabit them, and they shall plant vineyards, and drink the wine thereof: they shall also make gardens, and eat the fruit thereof them…” Amos 9:11-14

\That is my prayer.

Your star,

Rigel